My Hands Hurt... and Other STUFF

I don't know what the deal is with my stupid hands but they have really been bothering me the last few days.  This is a new symptom.  I mean, sometimes in the past I've had little twinges of pain or a spot on one hand will hurt for a day or so but this is getting ridiculous.  It hurts to grab and carry things.  It hurts if I'm holding something and I rotate my hand even a little.  The left hand is worse than the right, with pain on the whole outside of the back of my hand and up my pinkie.  I also JUST started having mega tightness in my left shoulder blade and what feels like a ring all the way around my shoulder and up in to my neck.  Also, over the last couple days, my lower throat has been really sore.  It almost feels more like the front of my neck, like the muscles or tendons or something are tight from being clenched.  I don't know if I'm clenching my teeth in my sleep or what.  Also, my upper left arm still hates me.  Additionally, I still have been having knee and shin pain, now that is also in my ankles and feet.  Usually, everything but my feet hurt but over the last couple of days they have been getting achy, too.  Last night I did do some stretching, I did the one where you put your butt as close to the wall as you can (lying down) and put your legs straight up.  My legs don't go straight up but I did the best I could and I could really feel it pulling out some of the tightness in my lower back.  I had to put my feet down for a while because the soles were feeling so hot, and when I did, they got this really cool sensation of cold.  After I was done, when I laid back down normally, both of the tops of my feet got this pins and needles sensation right above my toes.  I'm hoping that maybe it got my circulation going in ways it hasn't for a long time.  I'm eager to do it again later tonight.

So, yeah, emotions.  I have them (surprise, surprise).  Many of you know I have another blog dedicated to the mommy thing and talk a lot about my 2 losses.  That's been hard lately.  It's hard to be around pregnant people and babies and not have it tear me apart.  It's hard to not be happy for people because it means discomfort and pain for me and to feel like a jerk about it but that's just how it is right now.  It's hard when so many people around me are having babies and I feel obligated to be happy, or, worse, to be involved in their pregnancies, et cetera.  Tomorrow I have an appointment to find out genetic test results (IF they even worked) from the last baby and to start my leg of the testing.  I'm afraid they are going to tell me the testing didn't work and that we will never know what happened (or if the baby was a boy or a girl). 

Furthermore, I just feel lonely and worn out.  I feel like a shitty friend/sister/cousin.  I have some people who I love dearly and have not made time for any of them in several months.  I honestly can't remember the last time I had a friend date, and, what's worse, I can't remember the last time I've even felt up for having one.  I thrive on being around other people but I haven't even had the energy for it.  It sucks.  I wish I could take a year off because I am so burned out and so tired of work dominating my life and sucking all of the energy out of me.  I have began to cling to this outlet because it's all I have right now that takes my mind off of work, chores, mommying, and karate.  I feel like all I ever do are the things I have to force myself to because they are my RESPONSIBILITY.  I need a break, a real break.  Where I can do nothing and not feel guilty and where I can have time to see my friends if I want to.  I need that, and very soon!