We spent the whole day outside swimming on Monday, and the after effects weren't as extreme as last year, BUT, my back was KILLING me later that day- in a worse, and different- way than it had been lately. The weirdest thing, though, was that the next day, the irritation and pain in the upper right area of my ribs was much worse. I was snuggling with Taryn and she accidentally elbowed me or something in that area and it was such a weird thing. Like there was something hard bulging out from that area that surged with pain when she bumped me, but she didn't even hit or bump me hard. I know I'm not describing it very well, it was just very weird. Right after it happened, I laid back and dug up under my ribs and could feel something hard protruding from the bottom right of my rib cage. I had felt this before, but it's been a very long time. Then it dawned on me that the first time this happened (or when I noticed it) was the peak of last summer, when it was hot, we had regularly been spending some time in the sun, and that I also hadn't noticed it since sometime last fall. It sounds like a long shot, but I'm wondering if sun exposure is somehow exacerbating the spleen-area pain I've experienced. I honestly have no idea how that could be, but, somehow, the two seem connected. It sounds a little crazy, I know!
Honestly, sometimes I think that some of the health things I have experienced are really just a manifestation of stress, anxiety, over thinking, and possibly me just being nuts. I don't even know anymore. I really wish I just had answers and clear connections between symptoms and the things that make them better or worse. I feel like I've tried EVERYTHING (including going to the doctor-which I know most people think I haven't). It gets annoying to go when you're scared and petrified, you go in alone, finally get your worries off your chest, and you get the "you're young and that's unlikely, have a nice day talk." You leave blowing out a huge sigh of relief and then 2 minutes later it dawns on you- I'm NOT ok, I'm not better, and I have no answers. What the hell kind of system is that?! Feeling so bad for so long with so many symptoms that come, go, and seemingly have no rhyme or reason can have the effect of making you question your own sanity, I guess. : / I'll just keep on truckin! (And writing- it really helps).
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Digestion
This will most definitely cross the line into WAY too much information, but, hey, you're warned. It's part of this annoying situation called my painful life, so it'd be silly to ignore.
Last Monday, the second, I took the kids to see a movie at red rocks (yay)! Upon leaving, my tummy started hurting A LOT. By the time we got out of the parking lot (at least half an hour later), the discomfort of my indigestion seemed to have permeated through my whole body. My hips, my back, my WHOLE rib area (front, back, sides, WAY up under into my chest) just felt like toxins were pouring in, like noxious green gas you see in movies infiltrating a big area in just seconds, causing everyone in it's path to meet their demise. It was extremely uncomfortable! It made me think back to a year and a half earlier when I told my brother in law, Mark, (you remember him, the awesome acupuncturist) that my left arm hurt and he said, "digestion." At the time, I hate to confess, I thought he was a little nuts. Now I'm pretty sure he was right! What's that saying? Oh, yeah, "you are what you eat." Turns out, I keep pumping my body full of crap, and it makes me feel crappy. WEIRD.
I need this post to remind me, again, that my diet REALLY does affect how I feel. This was the first time I've had such a crazy reaction to eating poorly but it was certainly a wake up call. Don't get me wrong, I've put this all together before, and have felt bad from eating bad before, but have never felt like it was just taking over my body like that! That "toxic" feeling I've described before definitely seems to be linked to eating (and drinking) poorly.
On a different note, we went swimming the other day (for the first time this summer), and being outside AND in a warm pool didn't kill me. Mind you, we weren't outside all day, and I only went in the hot pool for maybe ten minutes, but short of a little extra back and chest pain, I didn't seem to be too much worse for the wear. I don't know if I should be happy or not about this. I just wish there were consistent triggers so I knew 1.what the hell, and 2. what to avoid so I could optimize my wellness.
Also, I think my work is killing me. Ok, not really but that building is most definitely making me sick. My drippy nose and sore throat had subsided while we were away, but promptly returned upon going back to work today. Ugh.
Goals: be happy, don't worry so much, relax.
Last Monday, the second, I took the kids to see a movie at red rocks (yay)! Upon leaving, my tummy started hurting A LOT. By the time we got out of the parking lot (at least half an hour later), the discomfort of my indigestion seemed to have permeated through my whole body. My hips, my back, my WHOLE rib area (front, back, sides, WAY up under into my chest) just felt like toxins were pouring in, like noxious green gas you see in movies infiltrating a big area in just seconds, causing everyone in it's path to meet their demise. It was extremely uncomfortable! It made me think back to a year and a half earlier when I told my brother in law, Mark, (you remember him, the awesome acupuncturist) that my left arm hurt and he said, "digestion." At the time, I hate to confess, I thought he was a little nuts. Now I'm pretty sure he was right! What's that saying? Oh, yeah, "you are what you eat." Turns out, I keep pumping my body full of crap, and it makes me feel crappy. WEIRD.
I need this post to remind me, again, that my diet REALLY does affect how I feel. This was the first time I've had such a crazy reaction to eating poorly but it was certainly a wake up call. Don't get me wrong, I've put this all together before, and have felt bad from eating bad before, but have never felt like it was just taking over my body like that! That "toxic" feeling I've described before definitely seems to be linked to eating (and drinking) poorly.
On a different note, we went swimming the other day (for the first time this summer), and being outside AND in a warm pool didn't kill me. Mind you, we weren't outside all day, and I only went in the hot pool for maybe ten minutes, but short of a little extra back and chest pain, I didn't seem to be too much worse for the wear. I don't know if I should be happy or not about this. I just wish there were consistent triggers so I knew 1.what the hell, and 2. what to avoid so I could optimize my wellness.
Also, I think my work is killing me. Ok, not really but that building is most definitely making me sick. My drippy nose and sore throat had subsided while we were away, but promptly returned upon going back to work today. Ugh.
Goals: be happy, don't worry so much, relax.
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Sunday, July 1, 2012
Weird New Symptom
Last night I was laying in bed reading, and my wrist started burning. I don't know how else to describe it. It was just a little spot on the inside of my wrist but it felt like it was on fire. It totally freaked me out. Then my palm started having that same sensation. It's annoying. It's also frustrating to have more and more symptoms crop up constantly and not have any clue what the heck is wrong with me or why this keeps happening.
Over the last couple days, I have been having a lot more joint pain again. My low back (both sides, great), right hip and knee, and my hands and wrists have been giving me a hard time. I woke up today with a very sore throat, some ear pain, and a sniffly nose. I think maybe the fires in the area have been causing those symptoms to flare up. I have not been eating very well lately. I have not been sleeping enough. I have gotten some days off (YAY!) That does help tremendously.
We're going to Elko again for my cousins wedding this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it, BUT I need to remember not to eat as poorly as I did when we went there last time. That really had a poor effect on how I felt last time! I also hope to utilize the fitness room this time, too. We've gotten out for a walk the last couple of nights and it has been so nice. I miss going for walks at night; when I lived at home with my mom, we lived right next to a greenbelt and we used to go for walks every night. I think it really does a person good, mentally and physically, to get outside everyday. It's something I enjoy and it's something I think I need to make time for as much as I can.
My goals for this week: have fun, don't overstress, enjoy myself without overindulging, and get a little more rest.
Over the last couple days, I have been having a lot more joint pain again. My low back (both sides, great), right hip and knee, and my hands and wrists have been giving me a hard time. I woke up today with a very sore throat, some ear pain, and a sniffly nose. I think maybe the fires in the area have been causing those symptoms to flare up. I have not been eating very well lately. I have not been sleeping enough. I have gotten some days off (YAY!) That does help tremendously.
We're going to Elko again for my cousins wedding this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it, BUT I need to remember not to eat as poorly as I did when we went there last time. That really had a poor effect on how I felt last time! I also hope to utilize the fitness room this time, too. We've gotten out for a walk the last couple of nights and it has been so nice. I miss going for walks at night; when I lived at home with my mom, we lived right next to a greenbelt and we used to go for walks every night. I think it really does a person good, mentally and physically, to get outside everyday. It's something I enjoy and it's something I think I need to make time for as much as I can.
My goals for this week: have fun, don't overstress, enjoy myself without overindulging, and get a little more rest.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Hypocrite
So I feel like a total hypocrite after my last post, going on and on about how much sugar hurts me, and how I just need to buckle down and eat better. Let me tell you, over the last few days, I have been doing anything but eating well. Muffins, cupcakes, cake, cheese popcorn, sherbet, and lots of coffee... it's all been consumed over the last couple of days. I don't know what this stupid mental block is! I KNOW eating better helps so much, I KNOW eating poorly makes me feel worse almost instantly, and I know it's not that hard. But for some reason, even though I know it's not worth it, I eat poorly anyway. UGH! What the beep-a-deep is wrong with me?!
On the up side, I HAVE been drinking more water, and have been pretty good about taking my vitamins. Those things can help quite a lot. One of these days soon I need to do a post dedicated to which vitamins/supplements I'd like to be taking on a regular basis so I can keep it straight for myself and feel like I have something solid to answer to. I feel like this is my own online journal that keeps me honest. If I say I'm going to something (or not), I feel like I'm accountable for that. It's kind of nice.
Since getting acupuncture on Friday, I've been feeling quite a bit better. I haven't been having as much pain and annoyance in my ribs, just a little that only lasts a moment. The CRAZY episodes of frequent brain fog have been quite a bit better, now I'm just a little spacy and forgetful. My finger joints have been better, just still pain in the main knuckle, not as much in the tip or where the finger meets the hand. Unfortunately, I've still been having a lot of tightness in my shoulder blades. OUCH! My feet have also been so hot on the bottoms! It is exceedingly annoying. And that whole stress thing? Yeah, I've still got lots of it, and am still not reacting as well to it as I wish I could. I just feel like there's always something demanding every second of my time and I wish there wasn't!
But since I can't necessarily control my surroundings or other people, I need to figure out how I can react better to the demands of life- it's imperative for my sanity!
On the up side, I HAVE been drinking more water, and have been pretty good about taking my vitamins. Those things can help quite a lot. One of these days soon I need to do a post dedicated to which vitamins/supplements I'd like to be taking on a regular basis so I can keep it straight for myself and feel like I have something solid to answer to. I feel like this is my own online journal that keeps me honest. If I say I'm going to something (or not), I feel like I'm accountable for that. It's kind of nice.
Since getting acupuncture on Friday, I've been feeling quite a bit better. I haven't been having as much pain and annoyance in my ribs, just a little that only lasts a moment. The CRAZY episodes of frequent brain fog have been quite a bit better, now I'm just a little spacy and forgetful. My finger joints have been better, just still pain in the main knuckle, not as much in the tip or where the finger meets the hand. Unfortunately, I've still been having a lot of tightness in my shoulder blades. OUCH! My feet have also been so hot on the bottoms! It is exceedingly annoying. And that whole stress thing? Yeah, I've still got lots of it, and am still not reacting as well to it as I wish I could. I just feel like there's always something demanding every second of my time and I wish there wasn't!
But since I can't necessarily control my surroundings or other people, I need to figure out how I can react better to the demands of life- it's imperative for my sanity!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sugar, Sugar
Everyone thinks sugar is sweet, but it's not sweet to my body! Sugar HATES me. Which is unfortunate, because I LOVE it. Actually, I crave it. It's kind of a crappy deal that it works that way. The more I eat, the more I want, and the worse I feel. What a mess. It's such a vicious cycle; but I know without a doubt that a good portion of the pain I experience is due to eating sugar and processed carbs.
The main reason I felt the need to write this post, though, is to remind myself how much eating poorly makes me feel absolutely terrible. I need to be as descriptive as possible so that I can look back on this post whenever I convince myself that something yummy is worth eating and be reminded that IT'S NOT!
We recently went to my cousin Kevee's graduation and while we were gone I "treated" myself to lots of unhealthy meals and snacks and drinks. By Saturday, I felt like I was going to die a little. My stomach hurt and my body ached. That didn't stop me from going out later that night and having a few drinks with my awesome cousins Chris and Steph. It didn't stop me from eating breakfast at midnight which consisted of bacon, potatoes, and bread. It didn't stop me from eating McDonalds the next morning or snacking on processed snacks the whole way home. It didn't stop me from polishing off the better part of a bag of chips the next day. By the time we got home on Monday, the thought of eating ANYTHING even remotely unhealthy made me queasy. That night for dinner we had salad, fresh fruit, salmon, and brown rice. I'm pretty sure no meal ever tasted better. It was just so... fresh. Not phony. It felt like the first real thing I had eaten in several days, even though everything I had eaten for the previous few days tasted good at the time. ALEX, EATING CRAPPY MAKES YOU FEEL CRAPPY, EATING WELL MAKES YOU FEEL WELL.
I need to stop making excuses for my crazy diet and just eat well to be well. It shouldn't be such a hard task, but for some reason making good habits can just be so hard.
Over the past couple of days, I have been having hip and low back pain. Ever since Mark dug around in my hip, it's been achy, which I am grateful for. I hope it means that whatever crazy kinks have been troubling it are on their way out! My shoulder blades have also been VERY achy- I need to get back to the chiropractor soon, it's been quite a while since I have been in. I used to go weekly but it has probably been close to three months since the last time I made it in. I have been stuffed up, still, but notice that it's a lot worse at work. Some of the other people I work with swear that the building we work in used to make them sick like that, too. It is so annoying (and gross) to be sniffling and blowing my nose every other second, but I can't help it. I also got an icky little mouth bump in my cheek last night. I seem to have them worse in the summer, it's been a while since I remember getting one... It already seems much better today. I have also been waking up with my mouth so dry I can barely open it and move my tongue, so that's pretty annoying. Other than those things, I don't have much to complain about.
My goals this week are to drink lots of water and try to not get too stressed out over things. That should be easier said than done, we have a LOT going on this week. But it sure does feel amazing to have a couple days off. I also discovered another therapeutic thing last week- soaking my feet in cool water. It sounds like kind of a duh, but it felt indulgent to take a few minutes to do it, and it felt amazing on my stupid hot feet. I definitely need to make more time for doing that!
The main reason I felt the need to write this post, though, is to remind myself how much eating poorly makes me feel absolutely terrible. I need to be as descriptive as possible so that I can look back on this post whenever I convince myself that something yummy is worth eating and be reminded that IT'S NOT!
We recently went to my cousin Kevee's graduation and while we were gone I "treated" myself to lots of unhealthy meals and snacks and drinks. By Saturday, I felt like I was going to die a little. My stomach hurt and my body ached. That didn't stop me from going out later that night and having a few drinks with my awesome cousins Chris and Steph. It didn't stop me from eating breakfast at midnight which consisted of bacon, potatoes, and bread. It didn't stop me from eating McDonalds the next morning or snacking on processed snacks the whole way home. It didn't stop me from polishing off the better part of a bag of chips the next day. By the time we got home on Monday, the thought of eating ANYTHING even remotely unhealthy made me queasy. That night for dinner we had salad, fresh fruit, salmon, and brown rice. I'm pretty sure no meal ever tasted better. It was just so... fresh. Not phony. It felt like the first real thing I had eaten in several days, even though everything I had eaten for the previous few days tasted good at the time. ALEX, EATING CRAPPY MAKES YOU FEEL CRAPPY, EATING WELL MAKES YOU FEEL WELL.
I need to stop making excuses for my crazy diet and just eat well to be well. It shouldn't be such a hard task, but for some reason making good habits can just be so hard.
Over the past couple of days, I have been having hip and low back pain. Ever since Mark dug around in my hip, it's been achy, which I am grateful for. I hope it means that whatever crazy kinks have been troubling it are on their way out! My shoulder blades have also been VERY achy- I need to get back to the chiropractor soon, it's been quite a while since I have been in. I used to go weekly but it has probably been close to three months since the last time I made it in. I have been stuffed up, still, but notice that it's a lot worse at work. Some of the other people I work with swear that the building we work in used to make them sick like that, too. It is so annoying (and gross) to be sniffling and blowing my nose every other second, but I can't help it. I also got an icky little mouth bump in my cheek last night. I seem to have them worse in the summer, it's been a while since I remember getting one... It already seems much better today. I have also been waking up with my mouth so dry I can barely open it and move my tongue, so that's pretty annoying. Other than those things, I don't have much to complain about.
My goals this week are to drink lots of water and try to not get too stressed out over things. That should be easier said than done, we have a LOT going on this week. But it sure does feel amazing to have a couple days off. I also discovered another therapeutic thing last week- soaking my feet in cool water. It sounds like kind of a duh, but it felt indulgent to take a few minutes to do it, and it felt amazing on my stupid hot feet. I definitely need to make more time for doing that!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Acupuncture
Last night I went to get acupuncture (finally!) from my awesome brother in law, Mark. We had a really good talk beforehand, but it was kinda weird to talk about my, gulp, feelings. I don't really know where I stand with a lot of things going on in my life. I feel like my life has spiraled into a big fat disaster, sure, but I have not really taken the time to explore in my own head how I actually feel about any given problem or aspect I'm unhappy with. It is weird to talk about it and have someone insightful prod me to think about these things. I wonder if it will be a helpful piece in helping me figure out what the heck is going on with me.
It makes me laugh when I get acupuncture or go to the chiropractor and I tell them a certain area is giving me trouble, and then they start getting in there, and they're like, "oh my gosh, this is all jacked up." Ya! I told you. :) Last night Mark started digging around in an area in my right hip that has been bothering me for quite some time and sounded like he experienced more pain digging around and feeling how messed up it is than I have felt. "GEEZ, madam!" He exclaimed. I know!! This has happened numerous times when I'd get a chiropractic adjustment. My chiro, Dr. Mike, is really awesome, but sometimes he's so funny. Sometimes he only has to feel one spot on my back before he is cussing under his breath. If they think it's hard to adjust, they should try living day to day with it lol.
Mark and I did talk some about my issues with pregnancy and he is going to center my treatment and herbal program around that. I am hopeful that, together, (with me FINALLY getting serious about and sticking with a good, healthy diet plan) we can get me healthy enough to consider conceiving again, and to actually carry a pregnancy to term. I know I have 2 healthy kids but I also have 2 kids who couldn't even make it out of the first trimester, so those are not very good odds. Half of my babies are in heaven, and I don't like that very much.
As an aside, I think it is pretty funny that I started this blog because I felt that my health has become such a different issue, and yet I keep cross referencing all my posts between the 2 different blogs. I know my health and my pregnancy losses are connected, but trying to write 2 separate blogs about the different topics has made me realize that the 2 things are very closely tied together.
Today I felt achier than usual. I wonder if the acupuncture stirred up crud that was stagnant in my body, or what. This isn't the first time I've felt worse right after. Which is totally fine. I like feeling worse sometimes because it makes me think that the icky irritations which have taken over my body are moving their way out. I hope that's the case as I am starting to reach the VERY end of my rope, both physically and mentally. I can't wait to continue to explore what is going on with me more regularly so I can get on a path that leads to being healthy and feeling well.
It makes me laugh when I get acupuncture or go to the chiropractor and I tell them a certain area is giving me trouble, and then they start getting in there, and they're like, "oh my gosh, this is all jacked up." Ya! I told you. :) Last night Mark started digging around in an area in my right hip that has been bothering me for quite some time and sounded like he experienced more pain digging around and feeling how messed up it is than I have felt. "GEEZ, madam!" He exclaimed. I know!! This has happened numerous times when I'd get a chiropractic adjustment. My chiro, Dr. Mike, is really awesome, but sometimes he's so funny. Sometimes he only has to feel one spot on my back before he is cussing under his breath. If they think it's hard to adjust, they should try living day to day with it lol.
Mark and I did talk some about my issues with pregnancy and he is going to center my treatment and herbal program around that. I am hopeful that, together, (with me FINALLY getting serious about and sticking with a good, healthy diet plan) we can get me healthy enough to consider conceiving again, and to actually carry a pregnancy to term. I know I have 2 healthy kids but I also have 2 kids who couldn't even make it out of the first trimester, so those are not very good odds. Half of my babies are in heaven, and I don't like that very much.
As an aside, I think it is pretty funny that I started this blog because I felt that my health has become such a different issue, and yet I keep cross referencing all my posts between the 2 different blogs. I know my health and my pregnancy losses are connected, but trying to write 2 separate blogs about the different topics has made me realize that the 2 things are very closely tied together.
Today I felt achier than usual. I wonder if the acupuncture stirred up crud that was stagnant in my body, or what. This isn't the first time I've felt worse right after. Which is totally fine. I like feeling worse sometimes because it makes me think that the icky irritations which have taken over my body are moving their way out. I hope that's the case as I am starting to reach the VERY end of my rope, both physically and mentally. I can't wait to continue to explore what is going on with me more regularly so I can get on a path that leads to being healthy and feeling well.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Therapeutic
I was just thinking, "I have to write a new blog post," then it dawned on me that I don't actually HAVE TO, and it's not like any of the other things I have to do because I WANT to do it. It's been very therapeutic to get my thoughts out and solidify what's been going on. It's hard for me to hold everything in. Life is too short to live it stressed out, worried, and always bogged down. I need to make more time to do things that benefit my well being. I'm not sure what kinds of things will fall into that category, but I'd like to explore that more. Obviously, writing is good for me. I can't wait to find out what else I can do to HELP my situation, rather than always push myself to breaking. I DO know that saying no can also be therapeutic; I've said no to the voice that pushes me to push myself too hard the past couple of days and it has done a lot of good.
Pretty much more of the same of what's been going on the last few days. My low throat, a little bit it my chest, my upper left arm, elbows, wrists, and hands (especially on the left but some in the right as well), knees, especially right, and shins, especially left, have been the most bothersome. I'm still all stuffed up, ICK! I don't know how I forgot to mention it yesterday, because it pretty much ruined my day, but I had a headache all day (sinus, I think). It went away about an hour after I got home. I have a similar headache this evening but it's not quite as intense as it was. I didn't eat so well today, but I can do better tomorrow. (Trying to have a positive attitude about setbacks).
Today was upsetting because the of the doctor's appointment. I was nervous about it all day, then it came, and went, with no answers. Well, no answers yet. I'm going to start my part of the testing later, after we look into what insurance will cover. Also, the initial test on the baby yielded no results, but they did begin further testing last week. I really hope they'll find SOMETHING. If the test doesn't work at all, then I guess we'll just have to wonder why this happened again forever. Please pray that we find out SOMETHING, even if it's that nothing was genetically wrong with the baby. At least we'll know. I'll update as we know more information.
Pretty much more of the same of what's been going on the last few days. My low throat, a little bit it my chest, my upper left arm, elbows, wrists, and hands (especially on the left but some in the right as well), knees, especially right, and shins, especially left, have been the most bothersome. I'm still all stuffed up, ICK! I don't know how I forgot to mention it yesterday, because it pretty much ruined my day, but I had a headache all day (sinus, I think). It went away about an hour after I got home. I have a similar headache this evening but it's not quite as intense as it was. I didn't eat so well today, but I can do better tomorrow. (Trying to have a positive attitude about setbacks).
Today was upsetting because the of the doctor's appointment. I was nervous about it all day, then it came, and went, with no answers. Well, no answers yet. I'm going to start my part of the testing later, after we look into what insurance will cover. Also, the initial test on the baby yielded no results, but they did begin further testing last week. I really hope they'll find SOMETHING. If the test doesn't work at all, then I guess we'll just have to wonder why this happened again forever. Please pray that we find out SOMETHING, even if it's that nothing was genetically wrong with the baby. At least we'll know. I'll update as we know more information.
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