Day 3 and Bottom Line

Sorry to keep you waiting on my 3rd and final day update.  I'm sure you've been anxiously awaiting word :)

day 3

weight: woke up to a 54 degree house (less than 50 in my bedroom) and already late. didn't have time to weigh in first thing in the a.m.  p.m weight- with clothing- at my acupuncture appointment was around 166
mood: mantra "it's the last day, it's the last day, it's the last day" (seriously! this is ALL that kept me going)
physical:  can feel my sinuses starting to clear some, and they've continued to do so (I'm 5 days post program now), hot baths have started to REALLY f*%k up my lower back, slightly grumpy but not AS bad, emotional (or at least pretty dang upset with my furnace), SO EAGER for it to be OVER!

brekky:
HELLO! Omitted the cup of water from the smoothie (and added more spinach- why NOT sneak in more when you can?), and HEY! this is DELICIOUS (and also not ridiculously huge). Was actually HAPPY to drink the thing- AND it didn't take half the day to finish!  WOO progress.  Wish I had known this prior to day 1!  However, I cheated.  Yeah, right at the beginning of the day.  Got hungry in the later a.m. and ordered egg whites with avocado- yum!  Also had a little chicken gumbo soup before I left work- like 1/3 of a cup.  Felt SO nice to EAT.

lunch:
work was slow DEAD AS HELL due to the stinking awful disappointment of a pathetic excuse for a broncos game, so I was off pretty early.  Returned home to a balmy 52 degree house and my poor father in law STILL trying to fix that dang furnace.  I dumped out half of the leftover lunch smoothie- honestly, that shit is just. too. gross. Added the breakfast ingredients to what remained and remixed.  Delish!  Had to enough to count for lunch and snack.  Mother in law tempted me with hot apple cider and while holding the hot cup felt AWESOME, I only had a couple sips.  Heard a "woo hoo" from downstairs, cuz THE FURNACE IS FIXED.  Hell, yes!  Thank goodness!

din din:
Made the dinner smoothie with much less cayenne than it calls for and less coconut water so that it would have a better consistency and would produce less.  Made a large cupful.  Consumed with another salsa and greek yogurt topped baked potato.  MMMMMM.  Thing was so damn good I wolfed it down like a pig and burned the sides of the roof of my mouth.  So worth it.  Took the kids to kids nite out at our local rec center so that I could have some Alex time and caught a flick.  SUPER tempted to purchase some popcorn but TOTALLY resisted the urge (go, me)!  (Honestly, I told myself I could go next weekend and have popcorn then- don't worry, I never get it with the "butter," even when I'm not detoxing).

detox bath:
arrived home late but had the next 3 days off to look forward to so I took the bath late and read some more magazines.  Felt not that awesome and not that awful afterward.  But really, I think hot baths 3 days in a row and I just don't mix.  I really just don't feel very great if I get too much heat.  HOWEVER, the skin on my face has been SO soft and I'm pretty sure the baths helped that.  So, that's a plus to remember.

Aftermath:
day after weight: 162.0.  Yeah, EIGHT pounds down.  That's crazy.  Stoaked but expected to gain some back.  Guess what?  4 days out (yesterday) revealed that I gained back ALMOST ALL of it.  So, (duh) bottom line: if you're gonna torture yourself to lose a few real quick with this plan, DON'T!  I also felt like my body looked "loose."  Like when people have babies or lose a hundred pounds and have extra saggy skin, etc.  Ok, obviously it wasn't that extreme, but that's what it reminded me of.  Lower belly was kinda poochy, not so cute.  Too much weight, too fast!  And, if you wanted some T.M.I., I didn't really, uh, GO as much as I thought I would during the detox.  Everyone else acted like you'd be poopin' quite a lot.  I did only about once a day during, AND, since then, have not been very regular at all- just bloated and lots of loud stinky farts happening, to be honest.  Gross.  I feel like for someone who's been battling SO MUCH for so long, 3 days simply wasn't long enough to get a full detox reset, like I had hoped for.  I'd also honestly say smoothies morning, noon, and night just aren't for me.  Honestly, I HAVE had the breakfast smoothie since then- but there's no way in hell I'd make the lunch or dinner smoothie just cuz.  One awesome thing is that I have been craving less sugar- but have been craving grains and carbs, which is something Mark advised me to avoid.  Sigh.  I'm trying.  Although, the whole time I wanted a gluten free bagel for my first meal post program, but, when I got up that day, that didn't sound good at all and I made myself some eggs with spinach and avocado.  So that's good.  Baths made my skin soft and my back and body SORE.  If you get sensitive to heat, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.  I felt crappy (like low grade flu bad) for 2 days after.

My conclusion:
would I do this again? prolly not!
would I recommend?  depends.  If you have hella willpower AND are MILDLY unhealthy AND not doing it to lose weight AND able to drink cucumbers and celery for 3 days in a row, then I'd say give it a whirl.  If not, I'd say don't bother.  It was EXTREMELY trying, even with all my cheats.  I know I wasn't fun to be around!
tips:  omit the agua from the brekky smoothie and add more spinach
cut the lunch recipe in half and then the celery in half again or you will end up with a blender FULL of food.
slowly add cayenne to the dinner smoothie or you may end up with something far too spicy to consume, AND use less coconut water for better consistency.
use frozen fruit to save money and add texture to the smoothies
expect to spend FAR more than $16 a day to buy all the stuff- ESPECIALLY if you don't have flax seeds, coconut oil, lavender oil, epsom salts, probiotics, omega-3's, and multi vitamins.
keep in mind that the breakfast smoothie is FULL of sugar- even though it's from fruit, if you're looking to cut back on sugar, this may be too much!

thanks so much for reading!!!

Detox Day 2

I woke up with a slight headache but felt better(ish) overall on day 2.

weight: 167.2 (that's right, I lost 3 pounds the first day. sheesh! although honestly I was bloated like crazy and looked disgusting)
mood: determined but still sorta tempted to say "eff this!"
physical: drained but starting to see some benefits

breakfast: the smoothie was huge once again and this time it took me ALL day (well, all work day) to finish the darn thing. I was thisclose to having half a cup of coffee but just told myself other people had done it and so can I. I also reminded myself that I could have some awesome coffee once it was over and that helped me stay on track. I really had been drinking WAY too much coffee lately, so really, 3 days without was probably a good thing. Day actually went better than I expected it to, my mood had improved from day 1 and the day went pretty smoothly but I DID experience some lightheadedness periodically. Strangely, I wasn't super hungry. I often don't get a chance to eat much at work so maybe that's why. But the (work) day went pretty ok.

lunch: forced myself to make the lunch smoothie before I left work. Drank a bit on the way home, but honestly really JUST couldn't do it. It was so gross. Maybe I was smoothied out but today the lunch smoothie was NOT good. At all. However, it was at this point that I noticed my headache had finally completely subsided. Yay! I had been SUPER tempted to take something for it in the morning but figured my liver could use a break and probably wouldn't detox all that well if I popped a Tylenol. Since I had pre prepped all the breakfast and lunch smoothies for work, I just put that one away for day 3 and decided to **cheat** (GASP) and just EAT the contents of the last lunch smoothie. I had the half apple and wretched, almost puking in my kitchen sink. Then I was fine so I ate the pineapple but the  cucumbers, celery, and kale (drizzled with the coconut oil and lime) were just too gross. I hate to waste food but I ended up throwing that part away. I just couldn't take it anymore.  This was also shortly after I returned home for the day, where I noticed that the temperature in my home was 69°. A little low but I didn't think too much of it. The outside temp was around 20°.

Snack/dinner:  I modified the smoothie recipe because it turns out a quarter teaspoon of cayenne is simply too much. I'm sure it would've been great for my circulatory system but I couldn't handle that much. So instead I put in just a couple dashes (which was still plenty). I also added more avocado and some plain Greek yogurt to make it more "smoothie" and less "liquid with tiny food chunks" I also used 1 cup of coconut water instead of 1 1/2 cups like the recipe calls for. It was better but nothing I was thrilled about.  Here's where things get cRaZy! I CHEATED. That's right. I couldn't eat NO food. So, along with my smoothie I made myself a small baked potato topped with plain Greek yogurt and salsa. And, since I made the kids some peas for dinner, I had some of those, too. OMG, best peas and potato EVER. I thought I was in heaven, getting to EAT.

detox bath: I took my bath early (while the kids were still up) and this time I read some magazines I'd been wanting to catch up on. I guess I was in there a while because they acted like I was being excessively long (Taryn claimed I was in there for 2 hours but it was NOT that long- I'm pretty sure!) (This was shortly after the time I declared what a bad mood I had been in the day before- I THOUGHT I was keeping it under control!- and they were like "yeah! you were!" oops :/) After I got out my whole lower body was SUPER achy and it hit me that baths and I sometimes don't get along that well. Great. Send my body flairing up when I'm TRYING to help it. Ugh! By now my house feels REALLY cold but I don't look at the thermostat and figure it's because I just got out  of a warm bath that it seems chilly. Turns out I should've been paying more attention.

later: I had wanted to hit the hay early but 11 o'clock came and I realized (after showering) that it was COLD in my house. Thermostat in my room isn't even registering and the main one reads 62°, outside is around 5°.  I grudgingly go downstairs and yup, pilot on the furnace is out. Crud. Ryan tries to talk me through it on the phone, which 1. keeps cutting out and dropping the call and 2. I'm afraid is going to catch an electrical spark and explode in my face. Finally get the thing relit and get to bed around midnight. Great. Have to get up at 620 the next day AND I'm dirty from sitting on the basement floor after I just showered. Go to bed annoyed but hopeful that I'll warm up soon.

prequel to day 3: toss and turn all night FREEZING MY BEEP-A-DEEP OFF. Finally drag myself outta bed at 630 (IMMEDIATELY putting on a fuzzy robe) and the thermostat reads FIFTY FOUR. Awesome...

dun dun duhhhhh!

Dr. Oz 3 Day Smoothie Detox Day 1 Recap

I have finished the Dr. Oz 3 day smoothie detox that you might've seen online.  I originally saw it on pinterest or facebook about a month and a half ago and had been wanting to try it but kept making excuses.  I finally buckled down this week and decided I was just going to go for it, no excuses.  On Wednesday afternoon, I went and bought all the stuff and it was kinda pricey, but worth it, I figured.  After the fact, I was looking at his website and the cost estimate is $16 a day.  I have no idea how anyone would be able to purchase all the food and the supplements and epsom salt and lavender oil for $48.  I spent about $75 and already had some of the items.  I also discovered (later) some of the items somewhere else for quite a bit less, so, if you're looking to do this, shop around!  Where I shopped, flax seed couldn't be found for less than $10.  Later, I saw it elsewhere for $4.  Oh, well!  Just a suggestion.  Also, frozen fruit is just as (if not more) nutritious than fresh and quite a lot cheaper.  So, recap of my experience:

DAY 1:

mood:  stupidly optimistic (eagerly awaiting the end and how AWESOME I thought I was going to feel when it was over)
weight: (yeah, I'm gonna put this-honestly) 170.2 (I gained quite a lot over the holidays) (I wasn't doing this to lose weight, but I wasn't too sad that many people reported a 4-5 pound drop, either)
physical:  been having a lot of sinus headaches, back pain, jaw pain, and abdominal pain (CRAZY bad abdominal pain, to be honest- almost went to the ER late Christmas Eve because it was awful)

Breakfast:  Hot green tea with lemon (yeah, no coffee.  No coffee.  No coffee for Alex.  For 3 days.  No coffee for Alex for 3 days.  Holy crap).  Smoothie/shake consists of raspberries, a banana, almond butter, water, flax seed, lemon, and spinach.
I made it up at about 730, before we all left the house for the day, and sipped it all morning (it made a HUGE cupful).  I had read online that people who did this already thought the breakfast smoothie was great.  It wasn't.  It was wicked tart and the consistency was kinda gross.  Oh, well.  It wasn't the worst thing I've ever had.  I got to work at 9, we were overstaffed and I was given the day off.  I struggled to decide whether to go since I have an extra day off anyway now but THANK GOODNESS I decided to.  (You'll see why soon)
Returned home and took the recycling in.  Made the lunch shake.  Took some old kids stuff to the consignment shop.

Lunch:  Smoothie consists of celery, cucumbers, kale, apple, lime, coconut oil, almond milk, and pineapple.  I DETEST CELERY AND CUCUMBERS.  I had read several online reviews the night before and EVERYONE hated the lunch smoothie so I was dreading it.  I took the advice of several people and used less celery than the recipe calls for.  It still made an absurd amount of smoothie.  To my surprise, day 1 lunch smoothie tasted great to me.  I could hardly taste the celery and cucs (halleluja)!  At this point, I was still stupidly jazzed about the whole process and figured I could make smoothies pretty much one after the other and never get hungry cuz I'd be sipping all day.  I also entertained the idea of making an extra snack smoothie (the plan calls for one afternoon snack of whatever your favorite smoothie is), since I generally eat a LOT, and also am pretty active.  By the time I returned home from the kids consignment store, I WANTED to clean the house and do something productive since I had taken the day off, but I had NO energy at this point.  I also started to get a RAGING headache, and my mood was EXTREMELY CRABBY.  I had to tell my husband that I couldn't text him for a while because I was so irritable.  I didn't finish the smoothie until about 2 (I made it around 1045).  It was fine.

Snack:  I was eager to try the dinner smoothie and had heard it was good so I decided to make this one for my snack.  This one has coconut water, blueberries, mango, avocado, kale, flax seed, and cayenne pepper.  I thought for sure the sweet and spicy would be savory and DELICIOUS and that the mango and avocado would make it creamy and great.  WRONG!  This smoothie was INSANELY spicy, first of all.  Secondly, with so much liquid, the consistency was like liquid with lil chunks of food floating in it.  Ick.  I choked down a few sips and couldn't hang.  I put it away for later and we went to karate, where we had graduation.  In retrospect, starting this on a day when I (was supposed to) work, and we had something going on, was kinda TOTALLY frickin' stupid.  If you do this, START ON YOUR DAY OFF, preferably when you won't have to make contact with ANYONE!  I was a crabby monster by this point and struggling like crazy not to take it out on Ryan or the kids.  Still had NO energy, was slightly lightheaded, and my headache was HORRENDOUS.  I was also stiff and achy so sitting on the ground at graduation watching all the other belts do their thing was really hard.  By the time it was time to perform my form, I could barely get up, almost knocked some little kid down trying to run across the mats to the other side, and forgot my form midway through (thank goodness it was just for a sec). 

Dinner:  Still had to finish off my "snack" smoothie and by this point, I felt AWFUL.  I had no energy, had a headache, was crabby, and felt like I was going to puke.  My body also hurt like crazy.  I choked down a few more sips of the smoothie but the thought of drinking more food was killing me and I was ready to give up.  I was having some major regrets and also some moments of laughing at myself for thinking that this sounded like something that was manageable to do.  The smoothies WEREN'T that good, drinking all your food SUCKS, having no coffee for 3 days SUCKS, 3 days is a LOT longer than I thought, initially, and detoxing your body is a PROCESS which HURTS.  Seriously, much of the process was downright painful.

Detox bath:  The regimen calls for an epsom salt and lavender oil detox bath each night.  I was so tired and crappy feeling the first day that I almost skipped it.  I was glad I didn't.  I initially thought I would read in the tub, but I was so tired I just decided to relax and ended up falling asleep for a bit.  I got out after close to an hour and then took a quick shower and actually felt a little better, but still had a headache.  I was shocked that I wasn't hungry, but I really had no appetite.  This day had been incredibly trying and I was becoming obsessed with researching how other people had fared during their experience doing it. 

End of day one:  felt bloated, miserable, tired, lightheaded, achy (like that general mild body ache you get when the flu is coming on but is not quite in full force yet), and was SERIOUSLY doubting my ability to stick it out for 2 more days.  I was tempted to just give up but decided to keep trying.  This plan is NOT the breezy detox reset I thought it was going to be!

Bummed

Sometimes, lately, things just seem so hard.  It's not that I can't get out of bed in the morning, or that I'm so tired or stressed that every little thing is a struggle.  Not that that's never the case, but lately, that is not what's going on.  It's not the physical things that are bringing me down, although I HAVE been feeling pretty unwell physically (nauseous, achy, having lots of trouble regulating my body temperature- I'm either way too hot or way too cold, having heart palpitations, running some type of sinus, salivary gland, ear, throat infection nastiness, et cetera), but the mental and emotional.  Everything seems like such a chore.  I think, I should _____________, then, no, it'd be too much work to ___________ (something that really IS NOT hard or a lot to do- like drive 5 minutes to Target to get 1 thing).  I seriously don't know what the hell is the matter with me.  I used to THRIVE on go, go, go, do, do, do.  I LOVED to be out and about, run all over town, go new places, drive all over, go shopping- or just looking, be with other people.  Now, it ALL just seems like too much work.  Plus, even if I do go out, it is not fun.  At all.  Ryan and I went to the mall the other day, and it was so not fun.  Which sucks.  Because I WANTED it to be.  I was excited about it at first.  We had a meeting with our insurance agent, and after, we decided to go to the mall (even though Ryan wasn't feeling well), because I wanted to.  But as we were walking around, it just hit me that I didn't care.  We were "Christmas shopping," and just THINKING about who to shop for or what to get them was overwhelming.  I just didn't want to do it.  We wandered around and got nothing.  As we were driving back toward home, I got so down just realizing how low I've sunk; how things that seemed fun or made me happy and energized before just weren't fun at all.  By the time we got back to our neck of the woods, I just wanted to lay down and do nothing.  I was so depressed by this.  Thinking and thinking about how often this has been happening made me even more hopeless.  I just don't know what the heck is wrong with me!  Life is just not very fun anymore much of the time.  I wish I knew how to turn this around.

raw clarification

last nights post was read differently than i intended for it to be, so. let me clarify:

I AM EXHAUSTED, I AM COMPLETELY WORN DOWN, I AM NEVER FREE OF PAIN AND EVERY MOVE I MAKE HURTS, I AM STRESSED OUT BY HEALTH ISSUES I NOTICE, AND BY MY JOB- WHICH IS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DEMANDING, I FEEL LONELY BECAUSE OUR SCHEDULES ARE CRAZY AND I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO HANG OUT WITH MY HUSBAND (I DON'T REALLY SEE HIM HALF THE WEEK), MY FRIENDS, OR ANYONE ELSE I CARE ABOUT, I AM SO TIRED THAT ACTIVITIES WHICH SHOULD BE FUN MAKE ME WANT TO CRY A LITTLE, I FEEL LIKE NO ONE CARES OR SYPATHIZES/EMPATHIZES WITH HOW I FEEL, I AM SAD BECAUSE HALF OF MY KIDS ARE DEAD AND I NEVER EVEN GOT TO MEET THEM, I HATE PREGNANT PEOPLE BECAUSE I AM JEALOUS AND IT IS UNFAIR, AND ALL I NEED IS FOR SOMEONE (ANYONE) TO JUST ACT LIKE THEY CARE THAT I AM HAVING A HARD TIME.  I WAS NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD OR TALK CRAP ABOUT ANYONE.  I AM JUST STRUGGLING AND I FEEL AT THE VERY, VERY, VERY END OF MY ROPE.

OK?

Anxiety, Stress, Majorly Overwhelmed

I am starting to get to the point where I can't do it anymore.  I don't find joy or excitement in ANYTHING.  It all just feels like one big. ass. chore.  Getting up in the morning is hard (especially when everything hurts and I can barely even roll over in bed).  Driving kids to school and all the way to work seems like too much effort (especially because I know that by the time I'm 5 minutes into my drive, my back will be throbbing, and by the time I get to work, I can barely stand all the way up and walk.  Stepping up the curb seems like climbing a mountain).  Within 10 minutes of being at work, I know something is going to irritate me enough to make me want to run screaming and never come back.  I am tired all. the. time.  I have trouble concentrating (and trust me, if you can't concentrate when a million people all think their demand on you is the most important, it makes a job REALLY hard).  By the time I leave work all I want to do is sleep.  For, like, 3 weeks.  But leaving work is when the hard part starts.  I have to drive way out of my way to get Trent.  I don't mind, it just makes when we get home even later and it's hard to get ANYTHING done.  By this point, I would drop if I could.  But I can't.  So, I plan dinner, do errands, and have somewhere to go almost every night.  If it's not karate, it's scouts, or church, or my mom wants to do something, or or or or or or or.  There's seriously not a SECOND that's unaccounted for.  EVERY day.  I am so worn down.  We have come up with this homework/reading/chore chart for the kids and it is NOT working.  For me.  Because suddenly, all this shit that we (Ryan) wants them to do, becomes my problem.  Did you clean your room?  Well let me check.  Oh you need to do this and this still.  Oh, you did this and this?  Let me check.  Oh you still forgot this.  You finished?  Let me check.  Ok, you still need to do this little thing.  You did?  Let me check, AGAIN.  Ok, it's fine, now time for chores that I have to check 5 times, then homework that I have to nag you about, then reading and a reading log for school AND karate that I have to nag you about.  Times 2 kids.  Brush your teeth, wash your hands, shower, pack your lunch, set your alarm, blah de blah blah blah.  So far, every, single, f*#&ing night, their responsibilities become MY problem and makes our night 8000000000 times more stressful.  Feed your pets, pick up your belongings, nag nag nag.  In the meantime, I don't have a second to relax because I'm checking the bazillion things they have to do with no time to do it.  Every night has become a late night because there aren't enough minutes.  Then this cuts in to my time.  Ya know?   That CRAZY thing called me time.  What's that you ask.  Yeah, I don't know anymore.  By the time I'm tucking them in (or, often, LONG before), I'm ready to drop.  I feel so far beyond overwhelmed and unhappy and stressed and absolutely crazy and depressed.  I have no help, I have no one on my side, I have no time.  Sometimes, I hope I get hit by a bus.  I know that's NOT good and I really don't mean it, but what the flip?  How long am I supposed to be able to go on like this.  NOTHING is fun, nothing feels good, nothing is how I wanted it to be.  I am drained and I'm running myself completely ragged for absolutely nothing.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't want to do anything but sleep for a year.  I love my kids so much and I am NOT being a very good mother.  It's pretty hard to feel like you are when all you do is pack their day full of chores and obligations, nag them, and snap at them because you're lonely and exhausted.  I am not happy at all with how my life is going and it's ruining my mental well-being and I'm sure it's not helping the physical bullshit, either.  I wish it could all just stop.  The pain, the grumpiness, the fatigue, the irritation.  I don't know what to do!

Outta Control!

On my way home from work today, I thought, I should really blog.  I should really blog about how out of control my life feels sometimes.  I should blog about how I'm not making the time and putting forth the effort to control what is important to me and do all of the things that I need to do for my health and well being.  I keep feeling like I'm just on this crazy ride that I don't want to be on and can't get off.  So, fast forward 3 hours later, I decided to go to church (1 of 3 options I had going on in that time frame), and they were starting a new series.  I hadn't been to Wednesday service in a couple of weeks, so I was pretty excited to be back.  The new series we started was....

"My faith is great, but my life is out of control."

Since it was the start of the series, there was just kind of a general overview of things to think about, and about people who loved God and "did the right things" but still struggled with problems (lust, substances, pride, etc), and most importantly, ended with the question, "what things in my life do I struggle with?"

Wow.

This question is just the one I needed, and there are LOTS of answers to this question, both relating to faith/trust in God, and areas that may not seem like they're directly related to faith.

SO, what do I struggle controlling? (in no particular order):

* prioritizing
* my temper
* not doing things that are necessary for my health
* not getting off my phone
* not speaking my mind, standing up for myself, or believing that I deserve better than I sometimes settle for
* not going after what I want
* not planning ahead/procrastinating
* letting myself get caught up in negativity
* wasting time
* spending money
* budgeting/getting out of debt/working harder
* drinking too much coffee
* doing other things that are bad for me (when I know better- like eating sugar)
* letting myself get pushed around or being influenced by people i care about even if i don't agree with them
* spreading myself so thin that nothing seems fun- everything feels like a chore or like something i "have to" do
* not asking for or accepting help
* staying at a job i dislike, don't find rewarding or challenging, am not appreciated at, and isn't worth my time or (lack of) money
* not finishing school (1 semester left- really, come on, Alex)
* knowing that i find certain things important but not making the time to do them
* getting caught up in little things that are annoying and let them ruin my day/drag me way down
* not making enough time for God, then wondering why I feel alone
* not trusting God and doctors enough to just GO and figure out what is going on with me and how to get better

see?!?!  That's SO MUCH that is WAY out of hand!  So, to tackle just a few of those things, I pledge to:

* limit the time I spend on my phone (check email, facebook, and the games I like to play 1-2 times a day)
* cut down to 1 (large) cup of coffee everyday (eventually to cut down to 1-2 cups a week)
* start budgeting money and not buying non necessities
* ask my boss for a raise, AND start (REALLY) looking for a new job
* doing at least 1 thing i WANT to do each day

I really really really need to stick to these AND continue to tackle more in the future, so WISH ME LUCK, SAY A PRAYER, give me a hug, ANY encouragement is SUPER appreciated so that i can get myself IN control!